When my first daughter was born, we named her Dylan. And she was bald. Very bald. For a very long time. So everyone thought she was a boy. I would dress her up in pink, but everyone still thought she was a boy. I couldn't clip on a barrette or bow (because of that previously mentioned no-hair thing) and headbands just weren't her jam.
But maybe all I needed was some $9 Girlie Glue to glue a bow onto my baby's skull. (Although honestly, I was having so much trouble just trying to get out the door with my baby, her infant seat and an elephant sized diaper bag (without my nursing bra hanging out) that I'm not sure I would have had the focus to glue something onto my child.)
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Apparently, there are people out there happily gluing bows and other hair accessories to their baby's bald heads. Because, as the company tagline says, "It’s never too early to be girlie!" Unless, I don't know, you don't want to be girlie or boyish. You just kind of want to be a baby.
According to the website, "Girlie Glue is an all natural accessory glue, created to stick bows onto babies' heads. Accessorizing babies and toddlers with bows has never been easier or more comfortable."
I guess this baby looks comfortable enough. But mostly it looks like she's wondering, WHAT IS ON MY HEAD?!
Look at this little doll with her #girlieglue valentine bow! pic.twitter.com/i5FpRcnJGZ
— Girlie Glue (@GirlieGlue) February 6, 2014
A determined baby could definitely rip off a glued-on bow. Have you ever seen how quickly a baby can undo anything? It's like they are all going to the infant gym when they are supposed to be sleeping.
And what, exactly, is in this Girlie Glue? I mean, are parents slathering rubber cement on their children's skin? The company writes, "Girlie Glue is made with agave nectar and other natural ingredients and dissolves with water so it can easily be washed off at the end of the day with a baby wipe or wet washcloth." OK, but I would like to see an actual ingredients list. I could not find one on Amazon or the Girlie Glue website.
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But listen: This stuff isn't just for kids. When you're bored accessorizing your baby's head, you can get your pets involved!
One customer wrote on Amazon, "This stuff really works on my cat Pippa!"
Still feeling crafty? Girlie Glue says it can also be used to stick on fake mustaches. Because if you can't have fun putting mustaches on your infant, why did you become a parent in the first place?
And apparently, "The longer you own Girlie Glue, the more uses you will find for it!"
Before you know it, you'll be gluing goatees onto poor grandma Barbara while she sleeps. And if you do, please send us pictures. Thanks.